The Honest Truth is….

Blogging keeps you honest.  Well, assigned blog writing keeps you honest.  This is the power of having a team to be accountable to…it keeps you honest on a deadline.  The daily responsibilities of swiping your time card, taking your dog to the vet, doing the grocery shopping and cleaning house harnesses you to the delusion that the “to do” list is a tangible acknowledgment of success.  It becomes easy to avoid deeper digging into our desires and needs when the ceiling is leaking and another storm is in the forecast.  How quickly we can compartmentalize our artistic, philosophical, and intellectual selves when the entropy of daily life coaxes us into believing those parts of our life cannot solve the demands of existence.

So we stop…we forget…we just give up on the layers of our lives which can’t seem to pay the mortgage or fulfill the demands others seem to be placing on us.  But in the end, it is our choice…our fears, our exhaustion which paralyzes our need to feel life ever present, and ever profound.

I envy the artist who simply cannot exist without facing those fears every day.  They enter the studio, they harness the exhaustion, they make the choice to act, to create, with complete understanding that they may fail.  My lack of artistic productivity these days rests in my fear of failure.  I am not a failure in the role of school administrator, so this is where I live eleven hours a day.  I am not a failure as a task master of the home, so this is where I spend what free time I have left in the day.  But if I am honest, my inner self is frightened this is all I will become.

Without my Throughines team, I would probably remain silent in this fear, but you see, assigned blogging keeps you honest.  And I can’t come to this work with false pretenses.   We have always developed our experiences from a place of true given circumstances and now can be no different.

ASK yourself…am I living in fear?

MAKE a choice to face that fear.

REFLECT on how much better life will be when we push through the minutia, dig in and feel things deeply and do something extraordinary.

Art, Theatre, Dance, Music…they are the threads that keep humanity together and I am so grateful to be assigned moments of truth telling no matter what storm may be in the forecast.   In this country, we all have the power to live with purpose which goes beyond our “to do” list.  People with greater responsibilities and fewer resources than I, are living life with more grace…time for me to step up.

Susan

One thought on “The Honest Truth is….

  1. Loved your post. So interesting that I live in that extreme place where my fears are just the opposite, I fear that which settles me, that which beckons me to the time card and the responsibilities that I have somehow lost in an artistic free fall. In my artistic life, I can see perfectly, not only the idyllic vision of something much bigger than myself, but I also see the minute details of each artistic endeavor, the way I know sometimes I should see the responsibilities of securing my place in the world as a responsible citizen. Several years ago, when I left teaching, I had reached a point where I could no longer sustain the energy to do both, and I had to make a choice. Sometimes, I regret the choice, especially when I’m once again spending my last twenty dollars on a can of black paint. But there are other times, when my choice is as apparent as breathing. I wish I could find balance, but balance is difficult in the front lines of creation, and so I survive the only way I know how, and I grow in a very private way, knowing that my practice might yield something that I am reaching for, but never knowing for sure. Writing is one of those applications that is years in the making, and the discoveries are so wonderfully personal, but so difficult to turn the words into food, the sentences into a roof, and the paragraphs into anything practical… But, thank God there is always hope, even though it is often deferred and so very far away. I’m always glad to see when you have written something here…

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